Friends with Stomas: Rebuild confidence with support groups

Mel North from Friends with Stomas

Mel North from Friends With Stomas, a UK-based peer support and mentoring service, chats rebuilding confidence post-surgery, symptom tracking and why communication is vital for recovery

‍Hi Mel, thank you so much for speaking with The Good Bowel Company! Can you tell us how Friends With Stomas began?

‍“I had my stoma surgery in November 2022 due to rectal cancer. I always knew it wouldn’t be reversed, so I accepted it, knowing I didn’t have to worry about another operation and just carried on with my life. I met Sam Lewis at work in 2018 and remained friends. She was there for me during my cancer journey, and she helped start Friends With Stomas. She had endometriosis and went in for planned laparoscopic surgery but woke up with an emergency temporary ileostomy.  Sam and I had very different experiences of products and supplies available. When I was visiting her that's when we came up with the idea of Friends With Stomas (FWS). Neither of us knew of anyone living with a stoma and we decided to start an Instagram page Friends With Stoma to support others going through life-changing surgery as for many the adjustments can be challenging.”

What inspired you to create Friends with Stomas?

“Being able to talk about your stoma surgery is so important as everyone’s journey is different. There are so many reasons why people have a stoma surgery – Cancer, Chron's, Colitis, Diverticulitis childbirth and car accidents. With Friends With Stomas, we talk honestly about leaks, bag brands, ordering supplies, food, travelling, going out and all the little things nobody tells you. People message us on Instagram with questions they don’t feel comfortable asking family or friends who ‘wouldn’t have a clue’. We try to show that you can still go on holiday, go swimming, to a concert, out for a meal. It’s about normalising life with a stoma and slowly rebuilding confidence.”

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“Having somewhere to express your feelings means you can look back and see how far you’ve come – from weeks to months – and recognise your progress. […] I definitely would recommend having The Ostomate Journal.”

You have supported many ostomates through emotional and challenging times. What is it like to see people grow in confidence and flourish after receiving support?

“Watching people grow in confidence is so rewarding! I set up a local Stoma Social in St Albans because I couldn’t find anything like a bowel or stoma group near me. At our first meet-up 25 people turned up, many from just a few nearby towns. One of my favourite stories is of two ladies who lived on the same road but didn’t know each other had stomas. Now they come to group together and go out socially. Others have found better bags, gained confidence to travel, or even visited places like the Emirates Stadium to review the new accessible toilets. Seeing people connect, laugh, and feel less alone is just lovely.”

In The Ostomate Journal, we dedicate pages to wellness and self-reflection. How important do you think it is for people to express and record their thoughts and feelings during their stoma journey?

“I didn’t keep a journal when I came home after surgery, and I really wish I had. In those early days you go hour by hour, then day by day, wondering ‘Will I ever drive again? When can I go on holiday?’ I remember thinking, ‘Last week I felt like this,’ but I’d never written it down. Having somewhere to express your feelings means you can look back and see how far you’ve come – from weeks to months – and recognise your progress. For me, journaling would have been a really helpful way to track recovery, emotions and what was actually working. I definitely would recommend having The Ostomate Journal. It’s top notch, from the meal planning to the food guidance, wellness and reflection. Progress tracking is incredibly helpful.”

How can family members, partners, and loved ones best support someone who has recently undergone stoma surgery?

“Support from family and partners really depends on your situation – whether it’s planned or an emergency, your age, kids at home, and how open you want to be. A stoma is very personal and can look quite raw at first, so you need someone you trust who won’t feel overwhelmed. If it’s planned, having a partner or family member attend stoma nurse appointments can help them learn alongside you, including how to order supplies. Early on I found the ordering process and fear of running out quite stressful, so having someone take on practical tasks and just be calmly ‘in it’ with you can make a huge difference. Also, kit your bathroom out to make yourself as comfortable as possible. Have counselling, especially if it is an emergency stoma and if someone else wants to help you, take all the help.”

To purchase The Ostomate Journal and found out more, click here. Follow Mel North on Instagram here or visit Friends With Stomas website.